Be kind to yourself

Tengo un sonido en la cabeza.
Tengo un ruido en la cabeza.
Hay una bomba en mi cabeza que se pasa el día explotando. Y el tic-tac constante y molesto es solo la mejor parte.

Había una Sara.
Y ahora estoy yo.
Y no me quiero conformar conmigo. Pero de alguna manera, tengo que convivir con esta yo, hasta que vuelva la otra. Y entretanto, intentar ser feliz con todo esto.
Es bastante insoportable, y no me sale.

Pero todos los días escribo en algún sitio eso. Be kind to yourself.
Es como tener un hermano tonto y una madre instigándote cada 15 minutos a que tengas paciencia con él, a que lo quieras.
Pero oye, es que es tonto. Es que no me sale.

Cool Girl

"Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.

Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl.
For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. [...]
I waited patiently - years - for the pendulum to swing the other way, for men to start reading Jane Austen, learn how to knit, pretend to love cosmos, organize scrapbook parties, and make out with each other while we leer. And then we'd say, Yeah, he's a Cool Guy.[..]

So it had to stop. Commiting to Nick, feeling safe with Nick, being happy with Nick, made me realize that there was a Real Amy in there, and she was so much better, more interesting and complicated and challenging, than Cool Amy. Nick wanted Cool Amy anyway. Can you imagine, finally showing your true self to your spouse, your soul mate, and having him not ike you?"